Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Why I Hope My Kids Spank My Grandchildren


"Wonderful Pregnant Woman And Her Children" by hin255 via Freedigitalphotos.net

Consensus now-a-days says that if a parent spanks their child they are somehow ruining their little angels- somehow damaging the child as an individual, crushing their self esteem, or something else completely absurd. 

Sorry, psychologists and medical professionals (and Dr. Spock), but I don't see it, and I certainly don't buy it.

My oldest is almost 17-
My middle is almost 13-
My youngest is 10-

I've spanked them all at one time or another. 

Yes, I said it…and yes, I did it.  
Call social services! CALL THE POLICE! Because, oh my, I am the worst parent in the world and undoubtedly, I MUST be a child abuser if I spank my kids!

I received a (spam) email from Lake Health (a local medical facility in our area). 
The title was: "Why spanking your child probably won't work". While I don't appreciate them spamming me (can't yet figure out how they got my email address) I always read their articles because they're usually pretty good. This one however, in my opinion was not.

If you read between the lines, they could not exactly tell you that spanking won't work, because they put 'probably' before 'won't'. This article tried very hard to claim that spanking kids creates a vicious cycle of violence, and causes kids to become increasingly worse in behavior. 

I'm actually LOL right now…

At the end of this post, I ask anyone who knows my children, to comment in three words or less what my children are like…

I'll give you a hint: my oldest is the most calm, even tempered person I happen to know.

Frankly, I am willing to bet that there are a whole bunch of unruly children (many are adults by now) who actually missed out on a few MUCH needed spankings in their life. Their mom was probably the one who repeated herself 55 times, "No Johnny...don't touch that…. no Johnny, NO JOHNNY, NOOOOOO!", before she pulled her hair out or reached for the nearest drink.

I'm not saying you have to spank. I'm not saying you should. But this article is also not saying that spanking is ineffective, or illegal, because it isn't. (I learned this when I started homeschooling over 10 years ago- because back then homeschooling alone seemed cruel and illegal to some people and so I had to do my research to back up my case.)

I don't care how many households these 'studies' have followed (1,800 families),
they did not follow mine. Also, they only checked on the families when the child was ages 1, 3, 5, and 9.

So? Where are they now? And were the spankings done in anger, rage or as a result of an unmanaged mental illness? At that point I could understand maybe the negative results.

Here's an example in my home recently:
My son (the ten year old) got a spanking (I KNOW RIGHT? GASP! FINGER POINT! Dial 911!) My windows in the house were open at the time, and I'm pretty sure he cried.

I did not hit him so hard that I left marks
I did not shout names or obscenities at him

In the past year, we have dealt with several different issues with him that I went through similarly with each of my other children at his age. For most problems with my son, we've used discussions and fair consequences, principles in the bible, positive role models, and intervention of some sort. Those things have worked with other issues, but lately, with a repeat issue like back talk and disrespect towards his elder sister, those disciplinary actions have had no affect.

So, he finally deserved to be swatted on his backside (yes I used my hand, and no I don't ever use anything else). 

Since that day, I've seen the best improvement in him since we started addressing the sassing of the big sissy- and that was the first spanking he has ever received for it. His reason for wanting to stop misbehaving? He told me he didn't like the discipline he got (+1 for this mom). 

He still loves me, still hugs me, still smiles at me just hours later at bedtime, and he still wants me to tuck him in and rub his back. He trusts me. He knows I love him because I show it in millions of ways every day. And he understands his behavior and potential consequences. And we talk about it. A spanking will never take my love away…and he knows it.  

Can discipline be done without a firm hand? Maybe.
Personally, I haven't seen it work real well though. My two youngest children have been spanked much less (let's say barely) compared to their teenage sister, and they are much worse behaved than she EVER was. They try more things and push the envelope a lot more than she ever dared. I wish right now I could have her teachers comment about her… I met a few of her teachers at conferences and they asked me if she had siblings… when I said yes, they asked if my other children would be attending their school with a smile…they wanted more kids like her.- and she was spanked people.

Coincidence? 
I think not.

I have seen many parents choose the 'communication and logic' concept. 
Have you ever seen the look on a child's face after a parent lectures a two year old about why they should not throw toys at people? Yes, I know, I've seen it too; the wee one throws it again.

So, is there a right and wrong way to spank?


All kids are different. You are the parent, and you often know best. Don't listen to all the hype about being a child abuser if you spank. It's garbage in my opinion.

Clues you are doing it wrong:

Your child cries more than smiles
They don't speak to you after their spanking
You do not see an improvement quickly

So, what's all this have to do with my grandkids?

Later, as my family and I were driving down the road, my oldest was talking with me about my recent disciplinary action with her little brother. She said it had been a while since I'd done that (she was probably winking at me when she said that because the girls seem to think the 'baby/boy' is disciplined less). At the end of our talk, I told the kids, "You don't have to spank your kids, but I sure hope you do". That's when my 12 year old piped up from the back seat and said, 'Oh! I don't know if I could!'.  I replied: 'If you don't, I will". Now I was the one winking

What a mean grandma… 

Or not…




You can comment below or email me at familymatterswithamber@gmail.com if you have specific situations, or questions regarding this topic.



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